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Author: XinLu
The Generation That Lived Through the Cultural Revolution
Ten years ago when I was working in a restaurant, the wife of my boss tried to share the Gospel with me. I remember saying to her then, “The people of my generation don’t believe in anything anymore, because we grew up in the Era of Chairman Mao.”
When the Cultural Revolution began, Chairman Mao was exalted as a “god”—every word he said was regarded as “the truth”. At that time I dreamed of meeting Chairman Mao in person! Later on when Mao died, he was negated by Deng Xiaoping. As a college student, I lost my idol overnight. I felt deeply hurt. It was as if I ate some kind of food and felt like I never wanted to eat it again.
Uncertainty Regarding Life and Death
After I graduated from university, the immigration trend began. My family members all came to the
Later on, I changed my job because I was having problems getting along with my boss. The new job was very stressful—I had to work overtime every night and even weekends. Facing tremendous pressure, my health became very poor. I went to the doctor’s to have a breast examination. The initial report came back with a slight possibility of cancer. I was shocked by the news. The doctor also gave me a TB test [a test for tuberculosis, an infectious disease] at the same time and told me to come back the following week for results.
Due to my limited medical knowledge, I misunderstood the TB test for another cancer test. When the test area on my arm became quite red and swollen, I thought, “Oh, no! I must have cancer!” I remembered hearing stories about other immigrants who were so busy with work that they neglected physical examinations and got sick. By the time they finally went to the doctors, it was too late—the cancer had spread, and they died soon after. I thought I had cancer myself, and suddenly, I felt hopeless.
I thought I was going to die
It was a very long, torturous weekend for me. I sat in my backyard. The sun was shinning bright, yet my heart was filled with dark clouds of despair. I looked back at my life—all these years of hard work and struggle were meaningless in the face of death. When we die, is it really like a candle going out? I wondered. What’s going to become of my two children? I couldn’t imagine telling my kids that I was dying. My heart went from extreme pain to total numbness. I had no more tears, my mind went blank. I was just waiting for death.
When Monday came, I went to see the doctor. That’s when I realized that the test I had was for tuberculosis, and that most Asians test positive because of the immunization we had as infants! After that, I received another report—no breast cancer! I was alive again—I had my life back! Yet the life I had was soulless—only a fleshly body.
Heavenly Light
At that time, God sent his messengers to me. Because my younger son was often ill, my friend introduced me to a Christian woman who helped me take care of him. She would sometimes share about God. I told her, “I believe that there is a God, and I know that people need His protection. But I’m too busy—I have no time.”
Later I started going to church. I had heard the story of Jesus before, but I had always thought that it was only a western myth. However, as I saw all those highly educated people sitting in the church, believing so earnestly about Jesus, I couldn’t help but to ask them, “Jesus died almost two thousand years ago—Is he real? Is he still alive?” They answered me, “Certainly! His followers can testify to that. Besides, there is much evidence in the Bible. You can take a look!”
All of a sudden, the Bible became an amazing door that opened up to me. I was deeply drawn by its teachings. But the Bible says that we are all sinners. I thought I had gone through so much pain to do everything I could for my family—what sin could I have? I felt wronged when the Bible said that I was a sinner. It also said that God is the absolute truth, and we need to completely submit to Him. I had been influence by Mao’s ideology since youth and believed that all things are relative. I believed that I could control my own destiny, and I was not going to bow down to anyone.
Yet the power of God overcame my defenses. I started to see that I had selfishness and jealousy within me. These were sins in God’s sight. Then I also admitted that God created humans, but humans could not completely understand God’s purpose. God loves us, and He wants us to obey Him because it is good for us. Then, I started to kneel down and pray to God.
Whole-Hearted Trust
One summer, my whole family was swimming in the pool. My abdomen was still in pain, and despite many tests and examinations, no doctor could tell me what was wrong with my body. I turned to God in prayer: “Oh Lord! I truly believe that you will protect me. Nothing is impossible for you. I give my pain and illness into your hands, and I will not worry any longer.” That night, I had a dream, and the Lord Jesus appeared to me. He was robed in white, standing on a rock. There was lightning and thunder in the background. All around Him was a radiant light. In my dream I cried out from the bottom of my heart: “Lord! You are real! I can see you!” The Lord knew I truly trusted in Him and He appeared to me. The pain in my abdomen became completely healed. I now pray to the Lord daily—I cannot live one day without Him.
The demands and pressures that modern women face can be overwhelming. Where does peace come from? You can have the peace that you are looking for. Every one of us has the opportunity to experience perfect grace and His protection through a personal relationship with God through His Son, Jesus Christ.
You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here's a suggested prayer:
Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Savior and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of woman you want me to be.
Does this prayer express the desire of your heart? You can pray it right now, and Jesus Christ will come into your life, just as He promised.
We at Chinese Women Today would love to hear from you! If you prayed this prayer, please let us know. We will e-mail you some helpful information and respond personally to your questions.
