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David Clarke, PhD
Let me take you back in time to the early days of your relationship. Can you picture those days? You meet, and you both know there's a spark of mutual interest and desire. The spark is leaping into a flame of supercharged emotions, and you're falling in love.
Excitement that sets your hearts racing. Candlelight dinners. Long talks. Laughter. The two of you are riding the crest of a massive wave of feel-good vibes and intense love. Your physical relationship is out of this world. Your touch is charged with electricity.
You think your communication as a couple is terrific. You can talk for hours and not get tired of each other. You believe you're reaching deep levels of emotional connection and understanding. Everything your partner says seems profound and personal and revealing:
"I like that dress."
"I had a lousy day at work."
"I think there's a rock in my shoe."
"Bugs Bunny is my favorite cartoon character."
These statements are fascinating, stimulating, and devastatingly insightful to you. Actually, they aren't, but in the fiery glow of infatuation, they seem to be.
Now, for the truth
The truth is infatuation doesn't last. It's wonderful, but it's only a phase. It never lasts. It can't last. Making a marriage successful and intimate is hard work, and you must keep up the hard work to maintain your love.
What do you do when your infatuation has run out, your differences and habits are driving you crazy, and your children have taken over your lives? You do a Marriage Makeover. Here's one Makeover technique which can dramatically improve communication in marriage.
One-way communication
Women can help their husbands open up and talk more by being upfront, honest, and completely straightforward, using one-way communication. One-way communication is going directly to your husband and briefly telling him the truth, your emotions, and thoughts, about something that has happened in your relationship.
Tell your husband that he doesn't have to respond. Ask him to listen; let him take time to process what you've said; and when he's ready, ask him to find you and share his reaction. When you're done talking, simply stop. Go silent. Just be quiet for at least five minutes. Speak your piece and move on.
Why? Two reasons:
1. Men cannot respond right away. They need time to process and figure out their feelings and thoughts on an issue. When it's a personal issue, it takes them even longer.
2. Men will always clam up when they feel pressured by a woman. They feel controlled, and they show you with their silence that you can't make them talk.
The one-way communication strategy gets you a maybe. The natural female way of pushing him to respond right away, gets a never. Try it this way and after your Marriage Makeover, those same wonderful feelings of infatuation—but deeper now and based on experience—will return, and will last a lifetime.
~ Dr. David Clarke is a psychologist, a speaker and the author of several books, including the recently released The Total Marriage Makeover (Barbour Publishing, July 2006).
The Total Marriage Makeover: A Proven Plan to Revolutionize Your Marriage
by David Clarke, PhD
Barbour Publishing July 2006
ISBN 1-59789-409-5/256 pages/trade paperback/$8.97
www.davidclarkeseminars.com